Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
