How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
