I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You ruined the universe
Randomize
