I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize