have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
