I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize