An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
