Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
