His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
