I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
