2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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