Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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