last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize