Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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