your thong is hanging out like whoa
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize