apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So here I am, sexting at work.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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