So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
