The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
