"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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