The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
