More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
