I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize