I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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