wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
