there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
