I hate your face
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
