P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
