a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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