I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
How's work?
Spinning.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
