So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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