I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
