i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
