she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
