Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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