Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
