yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
