Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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