Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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