i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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