Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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