Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
