My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
