after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
