I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
