i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
