i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
