hotel room ftw
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
