me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
