I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
