She is in my trunk
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
