I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think my fart just growled at me.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
