im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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