drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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