Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
