im gay
i know
yea but for you.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
