Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
