i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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