Girls should come with a carfax report
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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