Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
