Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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