so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
