just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize