Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
