He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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