Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
