Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
