You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
