apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
