go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
