Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
