the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
