Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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