I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
