Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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