wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
